The Miracle of Life... and FOOD
Not sure if anyone still cares now that the major hurdles have passed but..
For those who might be interested.
I did manage to gain 3-4 lbs in 48 hours
(depends on how much credit you give to water weight. Eating real food made me unbelievably thirsty for WATER)
Lobster Ravioli, Lasagna, chocolate molten lava cake, biscuits and more biscuits and pancakes... eventually even Chick-fil-A!!!
albeit mostly deconstructed...
it was a glorious week!
That being said... I don't think I realized just how bad my outlook on life and mood were... until I saw the light on the other side. I kid you not.
People always ask "how are you doing?" and given the circumstances and all the horrible news you hear going on in the world, I knew it wasn't that bad.
But.
When I finally got the joy of food, and likely the end of a physiological phase (1st Trimester) that is literally TIRESOME because of all the work your body is doing...
I realized I had been much more down than I ever realized.
It made me think a lot about mental health actually.
Especially with all the info you receive as a new mom about Post-Partum, and then the most recent school shooting - hearing about the kid who lost his parents, those who feel like they don't belong or aren't loved...
Especially with all the info you receive as a new mom about Post-Partum, and then the most recent school shooting - hearing about the kid who lost his parents, those who feel like they don't belong or aren't loved...
and I think maybe, just a little....
I had a taste of what that's like.
I had a taste of what that's like.
It felt terrible to say and I hoped and prayed it would pass...
but being homebound in winter
with a toddler,
going through the first trimester
with limited amounts of food choices,
zero physical activity (per doctors orders)
with a toddler,
going through the first trimester
with limited amounts of food choices,
zero physical activity (per doctors orders)
ALMOST SET ME OVER THE EDGE.
There were days when I wanted to throw some of Juliana's toys out the window and run them over. Days where I couldn't stand the sound of her music box music for one more second.
I turned most of them off, much to her dismay, and felt terrible.
She was homebound too! And it wasn't her fault!
I even noticed after I got food and turned the corner... my VISION improved!
Did it really?
Maybe not... but my outlook on life was a complete 180.
This all being said, it scared me when I finally verbalized all this to Peter the other day and he was shocked.
He didn't know ANY of this.
He didn't know ANY of this.
Of all the people in the world - we COMMUNICATE for a living.
And I went 35 days suffering in silence because I figured there was nothing he could do anyway, and that he MUST see what's going on...
and he spent 35 days in the dark and now feels badly about it all.
I don't know where I'm hoping this goes,
but perhaps it's a message to my future self too.
but perhaps it's a message to my future self too.
There IS such a thing as TOO much communication - but in cases of
sadness
loneliness
feeling overwhelmed...
speak up.
I wonder...
if I had to go the 8 weeks that some people have to do this... what could have gone wrong?
Would I have hit a breaking point?
if I had to go the 8 weeks that some people have to do this... what could have gone wrong?
Would I have hit a breaking point?
It's a scary thought.
I saw this article the other day and it made me think a lot too.
If it's hard to communicate as an adult... imagine being a kid.
After Colombine and hearing about the "outsiders" she created a remarkable system to decipher in ELEMENTARY school, who was already being ousted. She's hoping if she can see the signs early and do something about it, they won't return 10 years later with a chip on their shoulder and a rifle in their hands.
If it's hard to communicate as an adult... imagine being a kid.
After Colombine and hearing about the "outsiders" she created a remarkable system to decipher in ELEMENTARY school, who was already being ousted. She's hoping if she can see the signs early and do something about it, they won't return 10 years later with a chip on their shoulder and a rifle in their hands.
People always ASK how you're doing...
but it's hard to ANSWER honestly sometimes
but it's hard to ANSWER honestly sometimes
(especially in the age of the Facebook fairytale)
I still abide by the rules that you:
try to see the good before the bad
AND
take responsibility before placing blame...
but I really want to encourage you to evaluate the safety of your situation and if needed... please ask for help.
Or... perhaps you ask a friend in a bad place, just a few more, uncomfortable but necessary questions and don't just LISTEN... OBSERVE.
It's not always in the answers.
Sometimes it's written all over their face.
Or... perhaps you ask a friend in a bad place, just a few more, uncomfortable but necessary questions and don't just LISTEN... OBSERVE.
It's not always in the answers.
Sometimes it's written all over their face.
It Matters. YOU Matter.
I still have 3 more weeks of extremely limited exercise.
Several weeks of physical therapy to be able to chew normally again.
Probably 4 months of a soft diet.
And 4 months before I'll get my good looking and usable front teeth.
But as the days have gone by and I feel real JOY again... it's worth it to smile
(even if you're teeth aren't perfect)
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